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(1) MILNE MILNE: Lerma was Right MILNE: Scientology raids itself woodie is an embarassment MILNE: Church Controls Courts woodie hammers a.r.s bigots MILNE: A Word to the Honest woodie goes nuts |
(2) the Two Bobs Rob666 has Big Wins Rob666 reviews a book Rob666 writes his own BobW:freedom from criticism BobW:What matters? Freedom! |
(3) Odds'n'sods Roger_Urban does some reading ChrisMiller attacks deadbeats Rick_Davies grasps at straws Vera: KING KON II Cory: Psychiatry = abberation Koos: The Case of Institutions | |
(4) the 'Ho of Babble-On HKK: press release forthcoming HKK: scientologists can be funny HKK: unauthorised music posession HKK: collected poems, by... RobWallet ChrisMiller RobMarcus RickDavies Milne Woodie Jet etc |
(5) JET JET cures his ills JET opens new doors JET fires away JET plants intentions JET stops a crime JET says farewell |
My thanks to <papertiger@alpha.c2.org> for providing archives. ![[Trout]](../../../img/lynx/trout.gif)
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I must apologize to all of you on this newsgroup. You see, I
have an inoperable brain tumor; that is, I have a tiny bit of
brain growing on a big fudgy thing in my skull. Sometimes,
that little piece of brain gets in the way, and I realize
what a complete idiot I am.
This is one of these times. Why on Teegeeack I thought for even
a second that posting public documents on a public network was
illegal is completely beyond me. What I moron I am! Hope you
all don't hold it against me. I'd like to think it was illegal,
but it isn't. Just like satire and other forms of free expression
aren't illegal.
Anyway, I wanted to apologize most sincerely for the size of
my... brain. I won't be bothering any of you again.
Helena, what are you doing?!?!? *WHACK* AAHHH!...th th thank
you may I ha ha have another...
*WHACK*!...
- --
This fun, little interlude brought to you by...
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com, who says
''The above message was false and in no way was intended to
portray the thoughts or actions of any real person.''
![[CLAM1]](../../../img/bivalve/kl_4r.gif)
FROM: milne@crl.com (Andrew Milne)
SUBJECT: Whoops! Lerma was right after all!
I am (not) Andrew Milne.
I have been commanded by Mistress Helena to write to you. She
has told me of an important event in our Church that I am to
relay to you, exactly as I have learned to do. She has also
commanded me to tell you that if I perform this task well, I am
to receive an extra dog biscuit this evening with dinner. If I
do not do well, I must work with her to improve my attitude,
through a process she calls repentent-posture flogging, or RPF.
Today, the Offices of the Church of Scientology were raided by
Federal Marshals, under the watchful eye of senior Scientology
officials, four off-duty lawyers, a private investigator, and two
clowns from a nearby traveling circus who were present to lend
credibility to the raid. Apparently, having tired of attacking
innocent U.S. citizens in possession of computer hardware and
accounts on the Usenet, the Church has taken to violating its
own inner sanctums.
''This is about copyright terrorism,'' declared Kelena K. Kobra,
one of the off-duty lawyers present at the raid. ''This office is
full of official Church scriptures, which are copyrighted trade
secrets that are not only forgeries, but also do not exist.
Possession of these documents by *anyone* with liquid assets less
than $4 million is a felony.''
''This is just the tip of the iceberg,'' she added. ''We have
evidence that conclusively shows that many other Scientology
offices possess these fictional forged trade secrets. At this
point, we are seriously considering conspiracy charges.'' When
questioned further about this, Kobra said nothing, instead
looking wildly over her shoulders for no apparent reason.
These latest actions are rumored to be part of an internal ethics
campaign known as ''Operation Foot Bullet.'' The operation, which
allegedly involves butchering the Church's own internal structure,
is designed to swell the membership ranks by engendering public
sympathy towards the Church for its overwhelming ineptitude.
Most Church officials present at today's raid denied that it was
taking place though one official, when questioned, repeatedly
bellowed, ''ARS BIGOTS UNABLE TO EVALUATE DATA.'' The significance
of this comment is still unknown.
Commenting on the raid later, cult expert Jacob Jefferson said,
''It's almost pathetic. If they weren't so dangerous, I might
actually feel sorry for them this time. But stupid or not, they
*do* continue to hurt and rob unsuspecting people.''
Other Scientology critics were not so generous. ''They're a bunch
of fucking loons,'' yelled an anonymous critic known only as ''Hank''.
''They are pathetic liars, and they will sink beneath the
waves of their own scum."
Well, that's the end of what I have been commanded to post.
You know, this actually makes Scientology look like a large
organization run by total losers. Hmmm...
*smack*! Ahh! Mistress Helena! What have I done
to displease you?
*smack* Yes! On my knees at once. Please,
please help me improve!
*smack* Ahh! Thank you!
- --
This humorous interlude brought to you by,
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com
From: apuss@world.con (Andrew Puss)
Subject: ANOTHER SCIENTOLOGY RAID---SCIENTOLOGY!
That's why he can't go out in public.
Trouty
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![[CLAM]](../../../img/bivalve/kl_5r.gif)
From: Dick Sherwood
Subject: WOODYBOT---PEES ON HIMSELF REGULARLY
Hi, everybody! Andy Million here! No, I'm not Andy Milne. NOT!
I am (not) Andrew Milne! There. Let's get crackin'.
Mistress Kelena has commanded that I write to you to give you an
update on the many good things that have been happening with
respect to Scientology. She also commands that I dispel some
of the unfortunate disinformation that has been spread here by
some of the haters and bigots on this newsgroup. She has promised
me that if I do well, she will let me slather my body with Vaseline
and play with her Irish Wolfhound to please her further.
There have been rumors going around that judges in Colorado and
Virginia have ruled to vacate their writs of seizure against the
enemies of the church. This is not true. Ummm...okay, the
untrue part is ''there have been rumors going around.'' Actually,
this is a bald, undisguised fact, so stop speculating. Speculation
makes me nervous, since it almost contains the word, ''speculum.''
Anyway, before you wogs start celebrating too hard, let me bring
you back to Earth (a little Clear joke -- hennhh hennhh hennnhhh)
by informing you that this whole charade was planned. That's
right! We *intended* for this to happen. You see, the Superior
Beings in OSA got together one day, and it occurred to them that
no one had actually proved that a judge would humiliate the
Church if we engaged in the unjustified harassment of innocent
people. They therefore decided that it was important to know
this for sure, since a good trouncing in court could be an
invaluable asset to Operation Foot Bullet.
So, we got writs and raided some people. Sure enough, the Church
is getting pounded, so it looks like Operation Foot Bullet is
moving right along! We also have a pretty good idea of what time
Justice Breyer's dog takes his morning walk, but I'll be talking
more about that later.
So, anyway, if you're celebrating, you're doing it prematurely.
We have big surprises planned for the Internet, but we won't
tell you about them until they can do the Church the *maximum*
harm possible. We keep right on expanding, pretending to close
orgs to fool the critics!
Well, I have to go. I have to glue jingle bells to my penis
before Kelena returns from work. Bye for now!
Andy Million
- --
This humorous yet informative little interlude brought to you by,
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com
''*WHACK* jinglejinglejingle... *WHACK* jinglejingHAHAHAhee
hee hee...''
--Richard D. Piskevinaugh
From: million@grubby.wognet.con (Andy Million)
Subject: PRESS RELEASE - CHURCH CONTROLS COURTS
Organization: Rotundity Pudge Factor
They never alter the peccary for a cause to fill a bean tool
in April. Woody.
- --
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com
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^)__\
From: noodle@stupid.ology.com (Dick Snerwood)
Subject: ARS BIGOTS ARE TABLE TO FLY EARWIGS!!!
Just like a stupid person might offer advice or opinions ''to
the wise,'' I thought it would be appropriate for a Scientologist
to offer this post to the honest and decent people of the world.
Forgive me for not being my usual snappy self, but I am deeply
disturbed that the frequent readers [23 of them, at last count]
of...This Newsgroup...have not immediately taken at face value
my previous assertions that Judge Whyte's ruling is, in fact,
a Big Big Win for Scientology. It is, if only because I have
been told to think that, and that's good enough for me. I have
in turn told you what to think, but apparently you are continuing
to resist. I must try again.
Folks, Scientology will win no matter what. We are the ones who
tell the truth. Sure, we first said that we had trade secrets
but changed our minds when that was proven false. Okay, yes,
we routinely lie about people's actions when they make us mad,
but that's not really the point. The point is...well, all right,
so now we've determined that people are posting Fishman in order
to make a profit, even though it is being made freely available.
Look...yes, the raids were unjustified, but we had to make up
reasons so we could get to those FACTNet lists. How were we
supposed to know they'd be encrypted? We don't even *know*
about PGP, since those Marcabs with the DC-9's didn't *have*
unbreakable crypto, or I'm sure LRH would have told us about it.
And that's how come our Operating Thetan, Mind-over-MEST experts
can't break it; it's a totally artifical wog thing that we don't
understand. That's why we have to hire low-voltage wogs to help
us try to crack FACTNet's lists...
Look, you're missing the point again. The point is that we are
winning, and we are expanding. Try to keep that straight, even
if you are uneducated wogs who can barely read yet manage to
somehow still hold down jobs as professors, engineers, artists,
writers, and philosophers. When we are declared to not have
trade secrets, that's to *our* advantage. When hundreds of
thousands of new people become critical of Scientology, that's
*good* for us. You will never understand the full implications
of Operation Foot Bullet as us enlightened people do, even if
you *are* a rocket scientist. Hennh hennnnhh hennnnhhhh.
Remember our slogans:
Lies = truth
Greed = altruism
Scientology = freedom
It's quite simple, really, once you get the hang of it...
Andy Million
- --
This humorous little interlude brought to you by
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Re: A word to the honest and decent
Organization: Raiding Posterity's Future
In article {AC9315189668113452@petermc.demon.co.uk},
peter@petermc.demon.co.uk (Peter McDermott) wrote:
|
| Ah, it's nice to see you back here again, Million. However,
| you : still haven't answered the list of questions that I
| keep on putting to you.
|
Oh, that's just so typical of you, Peter, or should I say
"Capricorn"? Why don't you try coming clean on your own instead
of slandering the people around you? Talk about the pot calling
the kettle black! When was the last time you bathed your dog,
huh? Oh, and I bet that toothbrush is still pretty old, too. Ha
ha ha. Many of the newer readers here might be pretty interested
to know that ''Peter McDermott'' is famous for buying his groceries
at more than one store. So when he comes around hatefully
twisting the words of the people around him, now you know why.
Get a life, ''Peter''.
C-Note
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Re: A word to the honest and decent
Organization: Repetetive Pus Flow
In article {AC9315189668113452@petermc.demon.co.uk},
peter@petermc.demon.co.uk (Peter McDermott) wrote:
:
: So lets try it again, shall we?
:
ARS BIGOTS UNABLE TO EVALUATE DATA.
- --
Rick Slurwood
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Re: A word to the honest and decent
Organization: Rustic Purple Funiculars
In article {AC9315189668113452@petermc.demon.co.uk},
peter@petermc.demon.co.uk (Peter McDermott) wrote:
|
| Ah, it's nice to see you back here again, Million. However, you
| still haven't answered the list of questions that I keep on
| putting to you.
I've never seen these questions before, but I'm always available
to answer anything you might need to know.
|
| So lets try it again, shall we?
Fine by me.
|
| 1.) [...] why do you keep on evading these questions?
I'm not evading anything. Well, looks like that's about it.
Remember, we're only here to help. We are totally altrusitic,
and we never take money for our service to humanity. We never
lie. We never hurt anybody or anything [unless the cause is
just, of course].
Remember the Scientology creed:
Shrinkage is growth.
Our foot is your head.
A bullet to your head is therapy.
Andy
- --
This humorous little interlude brought to you by
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com
From: million@netcon.duh (Andrew Million)
Subject: A word to the honest and decent
Organization: Rectal Probing Fork
Big OTs are NUTS! I have learned a new word and it is this:
NUTS! To all who are listening, I would like to use this new
word. If you persecute my persecuting religion, I say, "NUTS!"
NUTS is an acronym! This is why I only say it like this: NUTS.
It means, "Nail Underwear To Scientologists". To this, I say
NUTS! The voice of stupidity is back! NUTS!
- --
Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com
From: pasta@nutcom.con (Dick Slurwood)
Subject: ARS NUTS ARE BIG OTs
Organization: Retard Processing Force
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