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KOOS NOLST TRENITE
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OOS Nolst Trenite
is one of the more intriguing figures on a.r.s. Some years ago he
really did work for OSA in covert intelligence and was by all
accounts a nasty piece of work. Then he completely flipped his wig,
and was unceremoniously dumped. Now he serves the same function
as a terminal lung cancer case in an anti-smoking campaign: an
awful warning of just how badly Scientology can mess up your head.
The name is variously pronounced [by English speakers
as Koos rhymes with Screwloose and Trenite rhymes with Bennite;
by Germans as Kohs like Close and Trenite as Tray-Neet; Koos himself
claims it is like ''Cause'' and ''Tray-neet-ay''].I include the article which he occasionally posts on the Institutional Case [insert person's name] -- if you stick with it, it is unintentionally quite funny -- and my parody of it om the institutional koos Case Nolst Trenite , also an early parody Koos audits Judge Swearinger's Dog from beyong the grave. But to start with, here is a Koos FAQ by tilman hausherr. There is also a sad post-script to all this.
Tilman's
KOOS F.A.Q
I have removed this FAQ, even though I think it is wrong to do so, because the author is being such a pain in the arse about it and he ultimately controls use of his own words even when he is wrong. The information it contained was roughly as follows. ::::::::::::::::::::: KOOS Info ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Koos sometimes aroused interest and questions because he posts such an amount of fantastical rubbish. Who is he? A Dutch national called Koos Nolst Trenite living in Germany, in a place called Gaiganz -- actually a suburb of some other south German city -- with his partner Jutta whom he met at Saint Hill. His name is Koos = Caws like a crow does (short for Jackobus), Nolst, Trenite = Tre - Nee - Tay, though various people call him Turnip, Termite, and similar variations. Koos was expelled from the C-of-S when he became too insane even for them: C-of-S would disclaim him as a heretic, a declared S.P. He now says he is channelling the spirit of L Ron Hubbard from a distant galaxy. Should you read him? his articles convey no useful information, though they might have humour value or serve as an awful warning of what Scn does to your mind. Koos was awarded usenet Kook Of The Month some time during 1995. He was not known to have done any real harm when this was written, though he had been extremely offensive to some people with real sufferings including a rape victim. His family withdrew the web-site of his ramblings in 2000 but, if curious, you may find some of his articles in the online archives. ---Dave Bird, 2001/sept/04. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
.
.
The Institutional Case Dave Bird
by Koos Nolst Trenite,
reproduced without permission
8 February 1995
Revision B on 10 May 95
RI-85R-Bi 'Institutional Cases on Alt.Religion.Scientology'
from Ron's Inspector
Message # RI-85R-Bi for Internet
An institutional case makes the most illogical statements
AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"I saw someone jump off a bridge to commit suicide. -
Bridges will be banned by
the Council for the Protection of the Rights
of Suicidal Syndrome Affected Citizens."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"I lived near a small river - my grandfather drowned there,
and he saw no bridge - otherwise he surely would have taken it
and he would not have drowned."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"I once swam across the Bay - it was a great experience
which improved my health considerably."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"The London Times reported that the Railway Bridge
over the Firth of Clyde
disappeared in the night during a heavy storm."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"I have put a warning-sign at the road
leading up to the bridge,
warning people that there were three car-accidents
and five suicide-attempts reported
to have taken place on bridges.
If they venture upon that bridge,
they will suffer the same fate."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"Only bridges which were built without money
and which do not cost maintenance
are capable of carrying any traffic safely."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"It is false. At the beach, I built a bridge.
It was washed away by the tide."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"Yes, I made the design myself,
and I improved upon the constructions.
The engineers of the Golden Gate Bridge
were only interested in making profit,
so their Bridge goes only a little way.
MY Bridge spans almost from San Francisco to Hawaii
and it costs less than the Golden Gate Bridge."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"I put little sticks of Dynamite
in the fences at the sides of the Bridge.
I hope people will get out of their cars some time
and hit the fence at a place where
I put the ignition for the explosives."
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"It is blasphemy and a waste of money,
and it makes people addicted to using that means of transport.
They should walk around the Bay and enjoy the sunset.
Then they are happy!"
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"How evil! You are being paid for maintaining that Bridge!
Off with your head!"
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The institutional case responds:
"It is my true belief and conviction
that all Bridges are a means
of encouraging people to jump off them to their death.
I will not tolerate the use of Bridges.
I will boycott the Golden Gate Bridge,
being the biggest scam of all, as long as I breath!"
Who are these institutional cases
on 'Alt.Religion.Scientology' (the Internet
computer network newsgroup)?
Well, I can give you a whole list of names,
starting with Diane Richardson, Jim Diver, Tony McClelland,
Wollersheim, Jeff Jacobsen and so on,
up to Don Lindsay, Justin the Blue, Barwell, Bingham, Newman,
Jerry Ladd, Dennis Erlich, Tilman Hausherr, Grady Ward,
Andy Testa, Martin Hunt.
It's a long list.
Then there is a long list of borderline institutional cases,
such as Homer Wilson Smith, Flemming Funch
and Allen Hacker (Speaker), and others
who not ALL the time respond as institutional cases.
Their responses are slightly more predictable:
You say: "We have built the Golden Gate Bridge now.
And it has been open to traffic for one week."
The borderline institutional case responds:
"The Golden Gate Bridge does exist,
but it does not carry airplanes.
Also, submarines don't jump over it.
I have already crossed this Bridge,
and I am an expert on this Bridge.
I found its construction so ridiculous
that I built one myself right next to it.
My Bridge can be traveled at the speed of sound
so you don't even hear the traffic.
Also, it is built underwater
so that submarines can safely cross it."
They have more predictable responses.
It is still strictly institutional,
but one can somehow know what they will say.
They don't say the totally baffling things
the fully institutional cases
state AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
This is why people who enter this newsgroup,
'Alt.Religion.Scientology', tend to get upset and repelled:
It is just too unbelievably insane
what the institutional cases say or write.
It is too unbelievable that people who can read and write
and who know the English language
make such statements AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
It isn't that I don't like these people,
I like them MUCH more than they like themselves.
In fact these people hate themselves like hell.
I hardly can think of anyone
who hates herself more than 'The Squirrelle',
or David Worrell for that matter,
or Dennis Erlich
Talking about hate!
Religion has always attracted these people,
standing around at a distance - and the Internet newsgroup
does provide just enough distance
and just enough anonymity for that.
They can spread the hate - or confusion, in the cases of
for instance Funch, Homer and Allen - they desire to spread,
and they don't have someone standing next to them
who physically stops them from spreading hate and
lies or confusion,
from harming their fellow Man.
As long as they are allowed to spread insanity, that is.
Koos Nolst Trenite - Ron's Inspector
Copyright 1995 by Koos Nolst Trenite
reference:
RI-50R-Li 'Archives of RI-xxi and RI-ACT-xx series'
of 28 Dec 1994, Revised and Replaced 2 May 1995
Enclosure:
RI-ACT-24R 'KNT Tech for SPs' (Revised) of 29 Nov 1994
29 November 1994
RI-ACT-24R 'KNT-Tech for SPs' (Revised)
Message #24R for Alt.Clearing.Technology on Internet
from Ron's Inspector
Note: Anybody who says this does not work,
is himself or herself a Suppressive
who wants that Suppressives stay insane
'so that they are less destructive'.
The definition is however,
the more insane someone is,
the MORE destructive he is.
And the only way to handle a Suppressive
is to make him less insane,
not to suppress him further.
Suppressing a Suppressive Person further
has been the 'standard', the 'normal' way
of handling them almost since ever.
This kind of 'handling' of Suppressives - to
just make them more insane, to suppress them further -
is ended now,
and it is solely ended because I say it is ended,
and because LRH has provided the technology
to handle the very insane we call Suppressive Persons.
The common denominator for Suppressive Persons is 'No ARC'.
And they have lost practically all ARC for themselves.
The Tech for SP's to handle themselves is this simple:
RUN ARCX's WITH SELF.
All prerequisites for being able to solo-audit
do not apply here:
ANY ARCX with self, run by an SP,
is better than no ARCX with self run by an SP.
[slight snip]
.
.
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The institutional koos, Case Nolst Trenite.
by Dave <XEMU>
![[Trout]](../../img/lynx/trout.gif)
27 March 1995
Original Issue
RSJ-69F-u2 'Institutional Kooses on Alt.Religion.Scientology'
from Ted's Metal Detector
Message # RSJ-69F-u2 for Internet
An institutional Koos makes the most illogical statements
AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
The Institutional Koos says:
''I have built a bridge from earth to heaven,
a most wonderous bridge
made entirely from bricks of chocolate fudge,
and elephants form part of the equipment;
for three and sixpence you too can cross
my bridge to the skies.''
You respond: ''Koos, your bridge is 30 cms long made from lego bricks,
and anyway it has just fallen over.''
The Institutional Koos says:
''a few hours of specialised auditing
will raise your tone,
so deeply invalidated by space invaders in moonsuits
brandishing plastic pepper-mills that go BapBapBapBapBap
that, in your pain, you refuse to remember
the past lives on your bleater-track...
raise your tone from DISBELIEF to UTTER CREDULITY
on the chart of emotions,
so that you too can now see my bridge is millions of miles long
and reaches to heaven itself.''
You respond: ''Koos, your bridge is 30 cms long made from lego bricks,
and anyway it has just fallen over.''
The Instutional Koos says:
''You do not realise, but your body in this world
of MEST [Matter, Energy, Space and Time],
is animated by two spirits which reincarnate,
the genetic-spirit and the bleata-spirit:
all illness comes from the accumulated telegrams
of your genetic-spirit,
from the various creatures we evolved from
such as molluscs and seaweed and clockwork plastic frogs.
Only cross my wonderful bridge, for a very reasonable toll,
and it will all become CLEAR(TM) to you.''
You respond: ''Koos, your bridge is 30 cms long made from lego bricks,
and anyway it has just fallen over.''
An institutional Koos makes the most illogical statements
AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS,
and posts them interminably on alt.religion.scientology,
where he is greeted by annoyance and derision from the other users.
The Institutional Koos says:
''This is indeed a wonderful bridge,
the only bridge to true enlightenment,
and if I used a few of Yutta's old lego-bricks in the construction,
that is no handicap to a true believer.
For I am Ron's Dog Inspector,
and I am channelling the great phat philosopher
from his new home in the next galaxy.''
You Respond:
''Koos, you are channelling nothing but your own schizophrenia.
Even if this clam stuff were true, I doubt you are
channelling ElRon Phlubbard,
because Xemu would have sent him back
as a butt-thetan on a fruitbat long ago.
But in truth he is dead, Jim --erm, Koos--and the brain which computed
all this lunacy you cherish, which was the only channel of those
thoughts, is now returned to its mineral elements
and feeding the tomato plants he once audited. And
by the way, Koos, your bridge is 30 cms long made from lego bricks,
and anyway it has just fallen over.''
Who is this institutional Koos, who spews his spam
all over 'Alt.Religion.Scientology' (the Internet
computer network newsgroup)?
Well, he makes all sorts of fancy claims,
but the truth is he was always a little bit loonie,
borrowing people's paintings without paying for them
and burning them instead of returning them.
And the Curse of Scientology used him up and drove him PTS3
[which is clamspeak for 'barking mad'], and when he
was to crazy even for them, threw him out.
There are times when Koos behaves as if he is borderline sane,
and actually makes coherent replies to other people's messages;
he does not ALL the time respond as institutional.
His utterances are somewhat more predictable.
The borderline instutional Koos says:
''Well, OK, the truth is there is some lego used in the construction,
and it is not quite as large as I would like it ---
it is still under construction,
I will ask my cousins for their old lego kits to add to it.
But it is only a metaphor for the true bridge, which is in your mind,
and anyway I'm doing a special offer on the toll this week:
four four and tuppence farthing, I will let you
not only go up the bridge to heaven,
but back down to earth afterwards--two crossings
for the price of one.''
At these times, he makes more predictable utterances.
He is still strictly institutional,
but somehow one can know what he will say.
He doesn't say the totally baffling things
the fully institutional Koos
states AS IF THEY WERE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
This is why people who enter this newsgroup,
'Alt.Religion.Scientology', tend to get upset and repelled:
It is just too unbelievably insane
what the institutional Koos says or writes.
It is too unbelievable someone people who can read and write
and who knows the English language
posts up such complete bollocks
AS IF ANYONE ON A.R.S ACTUALLY WANTED TO READ IT !
It isn't that I actively dislike Koos;
I just wish he'd take his drivelling nonsense somewhere quiet
and stick it back up the orifice it came out of
to save me the trouble of killfiling it.
Scientology has always attracted some pretty strange people --
you have only to look at the geek who founded it ---
but Koos is a bit much even for the church of clams.
- From Ted's Metal Detector.
==========================
Note: anybody who says Koos in anything but
madder than a cuckoo clock on acid,
is not REALLY helping him.
Those who say ''he is a genius in his own way'',
meaning the way of total lunacy,
who encourage him to his face
for the entertainment value
of laughing at his ravings behind his back,
do him no kindness.
Better to say openly that he is a loonie;
this is the thing that might make sooner the day
he recovers from the madness Scientology has wrought in him,
and gets a life again---
truth is kinder.
Ted's Metal Detector
(c) 1996 the Purple Shark Bluesband
*
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< |____________| | |(______________ ()
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/ / / / _/ ---| it theemth |
/ \ / / / | i thlighly |
/ $ / / | mithtook |
/ / / | your meaning there, |
| | / | buthtah !!! |
\______________// \______________________/
\________/
Koos audits Judge Swearinger's Dog
from beyond the grave
10 December 1995
RDw-K9x "Koos audits Judge Swearinger's Dog, Duke"
from Ron's Dogwarden
Message # RDw-K9x for Internet
PC: Jutta Nuts-Tripe on 9 Dec 1995, 12:00 GMT
[Auditor(Koos):] What thetan speaks through you? LFBD
"On this planet T-G-H,
I once had the body of a four legged canine,
whom humans called Duke."
[Auditor:] Why do you return to this place in MEST [the illusory material world]?
"There are overts by others still here that bind me to them,
and engrams [memories of pain] not resolved from those times
times when I was a four legged canine on planet T-G-H,
that are spaces I cannot enter and yet cannot move away from
to be truly 'clear' in my new life." LF
[Auditor:] What overts were done against you in this this place?
"I left my canine body on T-G-H in a bad and painful way:
a scientology auitor called Jerry Liebowitz
pushed me in a garden pool,
and sat on me while I breathed water,
and the last thing the eyes of that body saw
was the fat ass of Jerry Liebowitz in his old blue levis." LF
[Auditor:] What overts do you have against Scientology in this place?
"I have an abiding hate of scientologists,
and wish I were here in that body
to bite the lard ass of Liebowitz,
and bite him many times until he asks for mercy,
and also to bite the ankles of postemen
who annoy me by delivering letters
in my territory, and my home,
the Judge's garden in Hollywood Hills." F
[Auditor:] What overts do you have against scientology in this place?
"I wish that I could find the Scientology lawyer Kendrick Moron,
who told Jerry Liebowitz,
and who told the fat Italian tart with the white LandRover,
that they should come and drown me in my body as the Judge's Dog,
Duke, the Collie,
when I had done them no harm, had never bitten them like postemen;
and when they were young and stupid,
ready to obey in awe any order
from a high official of the Church,
from a suppressive dog-drowner who pretends to be an Operating Thetan,
and can command them in any mad or vicious act he chooses." LFBD
{Auditor:] What wishes are infulfilled from your time in this place?
"I wish that my master the Judge had bought me water-wings,
had bought me two pairs of water wings
and inflated them round my two pairs of legs.
Then I would have floated,
and would have swum out from under the fat ass of Liebowitz,
and would have bitten him many times upon it
and many times on the ankles,
and run safely into the house barking loudly for my master the Judge." LF
"And I wish now that I could bite the ass of the liar, Milne,
who says that after the clown, the dog-drowner, Liebowitz
filled my lungs with water until I left that body,
that I came back to life and fell into the pool with a heart attack.
I would bite him and use him for a chewing bone many tines,
until he told the truth or,
if that time never came,
until there was nothing left worth chewing." LF
[Auditor:] What wishes will yet be fulfilled from your time in this place?
"I know that the fat dwarf who is not worthy to be called Poodle,
the fat wheezing dwarf in the special childsize sailor suit,
will soon get his true reckoning." F
"I know that the dog-drowning suppressive Kendrick Moron
had that past flesh of mine, Duke the faithful Collie, drowned
to put pressure on my master the Judge in a case against
a man called Wollersheim,
but that it did not work:
that judgement was given for Wollerheim, and appeal refused,
and that this judgement is now five million dollars." LF
"And the dwarf Misscarriage transferred the money
from that church which Wollerheim sued,
and now runs everywhere from process servers;
but the dwarf cannot run on his short fat legs forever." LF
[Auditor:] What wishes will yet be fulfilled from your time in this place?
"I know that the signature on the transfer of copyright,
which pretends to be the signature of Ron Hubbard,
is not the signature of Ron Hubbard,
but that of one of the people who regularly forged his signature
for SO1 Letters 'You can always write to Ron'
[and so many scientologists wrote to Ron
that of course there was a special department of people,
like the little helpers of
Kris Kringle, or Sanity Clause,
who write and sign the replies on his behalf]. F
"I know also that the true signature of Ron Hubbard is available,
and that when the two are compared --
when the handwriting is compared in court,
by the handwriting experts of the court --
they will see the handwriting is not the same,
and that the document was witnessed by a beneficiary,
and anyway witmessed outside the time limit.
Then the courts will give the copyrights to Wollersheim, [NOTE]
and the back-royalties on all the Bridge publications to Wollerhiem,
and the Poodle will go to jail for his many crimes." LFBD
[Auditor:] What data must you pass on to Koos?
"I made contact here that I might tell Koos these things,
and remind Koos that Fishman, the auditor of Liebowitz,
is not a dead agent but a voice of truth.
And when Fishman did his crimes of fraud, to trim a couple
of cents of this persons dollar and a couple of cents off that
to make many thousnads for himself
with which to buy scientology books and tapes
[but which is still a felony,
for the systems of finance cannot be trusted
if people skim them like this,
and for this felony he has done his time in jail,
as the Poodle will soon do his -- and much longer for worse felonies than this],
when Fishman did this he DID IT FOR THE CHURCH because they told him to;
because corrupt and suppressive pretend-OTs told him to,
as they told Liebowitz to drown my canine flesh and send me from T-G-H." LFBD
"And also to remind Koos that,
when the same suppressives who run the church say Fishman was not a church member then,
that Koos himself has scientology magazines
which say that Fishman was a church member then." LFBD
[Auditor:] What will make you free from this place?
"It was necessary,
because there were places of pain that I could not enter
because there were places nearby then I was always bound to
trying to deal with the places of pain,
that these things be communicated to Koos
and that Koos communicate then to the Internet
where he is a respected author,
where people wait on his every word with awe,
that people know these things on the Internet
as to the coming doom of Cabbage the Poodle--
and of the dog-drowning suppressives who have taken over the Church--
which I, the thetan that was once Duke the Collie
have told to Koos.
It is neccessary these things be told,
so I can be free in a new life elsewhere." F/N
[Auditor:] Thank You.
session end 12:45 GMT
session length 00:45 minutes
F/N indicated
Jutta Nuts-Tripe
(The abbreviations F(Fall), LF(Long Fall), LFBD(Long Fall Blow Down)
and F/N(Floating Needle) designate reactions on the E-meter,
indicating mental charge (F, LF, LFBD)
and release of charge completed (F/N).)
Koos Nuts-Tripe: Ron's Dogwarden
Copyright 1995 by Koos Nuts-Tripe
references:
RDw-403i 'Scientology Drowns yer Dog' of 10 Dec 1995
RDw-404i 'The Evil Yapping Poodle MissCabbage' of 10 Dec 1995
RDw-399i 'Duke the Dog bites postmen's trousers' of 5 Dec 1995
RDw-400i 'LRH on "Who signed the Copyright Transfer" ' 6 Dec 1995
RDw-362i 'Pat Broeker is buried under 20ft of Concrete' 17 Nov 95
RDw-361i 'Ron repents shooting Susan Meister on the Appollo' 17 Nov 95
RDw-368i 'LRH -- the need to end nicotine addiction' of 20 Nov 1995
RDw-395i 'Fishamn was a scientologist when he committed fraud' of 2 Dec 1995
RDw-390i 'Miscavidge kept dead Ron in a meat freezer for 3 weeks' of 7 Dec 1995
RDw-388i 'the paid liar Andrew Milne changes his story about Duke the dog' 29 Nov 95
RDw-390i 'Vera Wallace would not send Koos her underwear' 30 Dec 95
Revised and Replaced on 12 November 95
These and other Ron's Dogwarden Letters can be obtained
(with WWW-browser) at
ftp://thetics.europa.com/adams/family/RDw
(with ftp) at
thetics.europa.com/adams/family/RDw
[NOTE]: Since some people might take
the included message for gospel: it was a common misapprehension
at the time, which I fell for, that the false transfer refers
to copyrights. It does not. It refers to trademarks. ---XEMU.
OK, I admit it -- this is the original ''Koos Audits the Dog''
parody. It is by a freezoner called 'Stark'.
I-183i 'SP-declare of My Neighbor's Dog Fluffy'
from Ron's Expectorant for the Internet
Message # RI-183i for Internet
My neighbor's poodle,
which now goes by the name "Fluffy"
has been trying to destroy me,
to cave me in.
Fluffy wants that Koos and Jutta are suppressed
so that Scientology will be suppressed.
Fluffy has committed many overts
against me or my household
including the following:
Barking loudly in a 1.1 tone
to keep me awake at night.
Digging up our prize rose bushes,
which Jutta planted herself
with the help of LRH.
Trespassing onto my front porch
and shredding my newspaper
to deprive me of information.
This security check
ordered by me
should further illustrate the
devious evil actions of Fluffy.
(The data revealed in HCO Security Checks are not confidential.
They are used to detect hidden crimes, and the data is used by
the group to stop the crimes and to apply group-justice to the
criminal, based on what he actually did, rather than on what
others believe or are led to believe he did. Or at least,
that's what might happen if anyone took what I say seriously.
The purpose is to have real justice both for the criminal and
for the groupmembers that have been affected by his crimes.)
(The abbreviations sF, F, LF, LFBD and F/N designate reactions
on the E-meter, indicating mental charge (sF, F, LF, LFBD) and
release of charge completed (F/N).)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OT HCO SEC CHECK ON "FLUFFY" 15 May 1995
ordered by Koos
(Reported per HCOPL 'CONFESSIONALS - ETHICS REPORTS REQUIRED')
15 May 1995
Total hours: 1:28 min
Highly specialized OT HCO Sec Check Auditing
at 700 US $ per hour, makes 1,027 US$ total costs
15 May 1995......................................hours: 1:28 min
On 15 May 1995, 16:06 GMT
[Auditor:] What have you been withholding
from me?
[Fluffy:] "Woof woof woof,
Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof! LF
Woof woof
woof woof woof,
woof woof woof woof woof woof." LFBD
[Auditor:] What did you secretly do to me [Koos/Auditor]?
[Fluffy:] "Arf arf arf,
arf arf arf arf.
Arf arf arf arf arf,
Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf." LFBD
[Auditor:] What was your participation
in the Miscavige 57 billion years ago
incident? F LFBD
"Bow wow wow,
woof woof woof woof woof
woof woof,
woof woof woof.
Woof woof woof woof LFBD
bow wow wow,
woof woof woof woof!
Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf." LFBD
[Auditor:] What did you secretly do to me? LF
[Fluffy:] "Woof woof woof woof woof woof
woof woof,
woof woof woof woof woof woof
woof woof woof woof woof woof woof. LFBD
"Bow wow,
woof woof woof woof woof woof,
woof woof woof woof woof woof LF
woof woof woof woof woof LF bow wow.
"BOW WOW WOW WOW WOW
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF WOOF,
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.
BOW WOW WOOF WOOF WOOF." LFBD LFBD's
VGI's LFBD-F/Nind
(End of this HCO Sec Check session)
Total TA (not noted) in 1 hr and 28 mins.
As it is now crystal clear
that "Fluffy" is violently insane
and intent only on the destruction
of Koos
of LRH
and of Scientology,
I hereby declare Fluffy to be a Suppressive Poodle.
Koos Nolst Trenite - Ron's Inspector
Copyright 1995 by Koos Nolst Trenite
reference:
RI-14i 'SPs in Scientology's Safe Space' of 23 Oct 1994
RI-53i 'Past Life Criminals and Scn Ethics' of 29 Jul 1994
RI-93i 'SP-declare of Bob, My Mailman' of 9 Aug 1994
RI-105i 'LRH on the SP Captain Kangaroo' of 12 Mar 1995
RI-125i 'SP-declare of the Planet Neptune' of 6 Apr 95
RI-136i 'SP-declare of All Left-handed People' of 6 Apr 1995
RI-138i 'Everyone's an SP but Me and Jutta' of 8 Apr 1995
RI-139i 'And I'm Starting to Suspect Her Too' of 9 Apr 1995
RI-50R-Li 'Archives of RI-xxi and RI-ACT-xx series'
of 28 Dec 1994, Revised and Replaced 2 May 1995
From: stark@prostar.com (Stark)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: RI-77i 'SP Declare of Evil Psychotic Elmer Fudd'
Date: 28 Jan 1995 03:51:16 -0600
Koos has accidentally sent me another of his messages, so once again
I shall forward it to the appropriate newsgroups.
Stark
---------------------------------------------------------------------
27 January 1995
RI-77i 'SP Declare of the Evil Psychotic Elmer Fudd'
from Ron's Inspector
Message # RI-77i for Internet
Elmer Fudd has been passing himself off
as a cute harmless cartoon character.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Fudd is a whole track criminal
deeply supressive,
he tries to disguise his evil actions as being harmless.
"Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits", he says.
What he means is,
"I want that you don't communicate about
my eviw and suppwesive actions.
I want you to see them as hawmless and owdinawy passtimes.
I want no one to see ow heaw what I am doing."
Elmer Fudd can be seen at his worst in his
suppresive actions towards Bugs Bunny,
who is PTS to him.
He says,
"I wike to weave a cawwot out fow Bugs to find,
and when he comes to twy to eat it, I wiww kiww him.
Sometimes Bugs wiww hide in a howwow twee
and I wiww put the bawwew of my gun in the twee to
shoot him.
And then he makes the bawwew come out a howe
in the gwound, and it shoots me in the butt!
I use this as a motivatow fow why I hunt him"
Elmer has no affinity for Bugs Bunny
or for Koos
but Koos has affinity for SP's,
Koos has affinity for Elmer Fudd.
Elmer Fudd is now a declared Suppressive Person,
declared by myself, and by LRH.
This declaration is not a punishment
it is an act of caring
as only when we see Elmer as he really is
can he finally be helped.
Koos Nolst Trenite - Ron's Inspector
Copyright 1995 by Koos Nolst Trenite
reference:
RI-14i 'Proper Handling of SP's'
RI-22i 'Sec Check of the Cookie Monster'
RI-27i 'SP Declare of Beavis and Butt-head'
RI-32i 'The Nazi War Criminal Oscar the Grouch'
Newsgroups: alt.clearing.technology
From: ba170@fim.uni-erlangen.de (Koos Nolst Trenite)
Subject: RI-ACT-52 False SP-declare
Date: Sat, 28 Jan 1995 23:29:56 +0000
28 January 1995
RI-ACT-52 'False SP-declare'
Message #52 for Alt.Clearing.Technology on Internet
from Ron's Inspector
The SP-declare on Elmer Fudd,
which "Stark" was kind enough to post for me, was FALSE.
The SP was Bugs Bunny, and Elmer Fudd was PTS to Bugs Bunny.
(My daughter pointed this out to me.)
I am sorry for the mistake. Now you know!
much love,
Koos
T-T-hhat's all folks!
Koos Nolst Trenite - Ron's Inspector
Copyright 1995 by Koos Nolst Trenite
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yet another ''GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE'' parody, by Scott McClare
From: samcclar@calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca (Scott McClare)
Subject: RI-85i 'The Institutional Case on Alt.Religion.Scientology'
Message-ID: {57hkmt$a74@calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca}
Date: Wed, 27 Nov 1996 14:54:21 GMT
8 October 1996
RI-85i 'The Institutional Case on Alt.Religion.Scientology'
}from Ambassador for Reality
Message # RI-85i for Internet
The institutional case makes the most illogical statements
AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''The civil engineer that designed the bridge
dropped out of university after the second year.
His grades were poor.
He is not a competent engineer.''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''I saw the blueprints for the bridge.
I do not believe that the design is sound.
Maybe another engineer should check it.''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''The bridge is unstable.
When a good wind comes through the canyon,
the bridge will shake.
It is not safe for traffic.''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''Just as I suspected, the bridge sways in the wind.
People come from all around to drive across it for thrills.
No good will come of this.''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''Look, it's worse today than it's ever been.
We had to close the bridge to traffic.
There's a car on there that we couldn't get off.
This bridge should never have been built!''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''There it goes!
The Tacoma Narrows bridge has collapsed.
Don't say we didn't warn you it would happen.
They got it on film,
and physics students the world over
will get to see the film as a good example of bad engineering.''
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.''
We respond:
''You're fired.
Clean out your desk and get off the premises by three.''
Who is this institutional case
on 'Alt.Religion.Scientology' (the Internet
computer network newsgroup)?
Well, I'll give you a hint:
he audits John Travolta with his Magic Ohmmeter,
also Homer Smith and so on,
upto David Miscavige, Diana Ross, Michael Jackson,
L. Ron Hubbard, Richard Reiss and Jutta
and Tilman Hausherr (sorry for Tilman, I almost forgot him).
It's a long list.
Then sometimes he is only a borderline institutional case,
who not ALL the time responds as an institutional case.
These responses are slightly more predictable:
The institutional case says:
''We have built the Tacoma Narrows Bridge now,
and it is open to traffic since one week.
Also, I have built other cruddy bridges,
and if you like them you have to buy them for a dollar.''
It is just too unbelievably insane
what the institutional case says or writes.
It is too unbelievable that someone who can read and write
and who knows the English language
makes such statements AS IF THEY ARE NORMAL STATEMENTS.
Kool Moe Trenchcoat - Ambassador for Reality
Copyright 1996 by Kool Moe Trenchcoat
references:
RI-4i 'L. Ron Hubbard is a Big Fat Meanie' of 29 Nov 1994
RI-10i 'The Suppressive Cloud that Rained On Me' of 16 Apr 1995
RI-46i 'David Miscavige Whizzed in my Flower Garden' of 5 May 1995
RI-47i 'David Miscavige's Whiz, Part 2' of 5 May 1995
(see also part 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and RI-54i about how Miscavige
threw a leak on my lawn 37 billion years ago and enturbulated it)
RI-134i 'Koos Audited Me and Gave Me Hives' of 13 Aug 1995
RI-204i 'My Parents Went to Arslycus and All They Brought Me was
These Ten Thousand Lousy T-Shirts' of Jan 26 1996
In{3623415B.741E@Trenite.de}, Koos Nolst Trenite writes:
}I went out in town, a few days ago, and told everybody
} telepathically that they will be free from the being
} L. Ron Hubbard.
}Judged from the reactions I got, it was obvious that about
} seventy percent of the people received this communication
} strongly enough, as they replied to me with smiles, big
} smiles, warm smiles, enthusiastic smiles.
}Two people reacted fearfully, as they did not like being
} exposed as what they had been, in previous lifetimes, and
} had not stopped being: Evil minions of the being L. Ron
} Hubbard on Earth
}(I withdrew their 'fuel', their sucking up Admiration and
} life-energy from people around them.
Of course this is only Koos's side of the story. Perhaps
other observers saw it differently.....................?
MISTER TERMITE GOES TO TOWN
===========================
Kool Moist Termite's neighbour writes:
I was sitting at a table outside the cafe, when I saw this
man coming down the road. He had red-brown hair sticking
out in all directions, and the cuckoo from a swiss clock
hanging out of his ear on a spring. After a moment I
recognised my neighbour, Mr Termite. This was unusual,
as Mr Termite usually stays home muttering behind the curtains.
His kids look after the household and see he doesn't get into
trouble. Teenagers, I think; or the daughter only a little older.
But today he had come for a wander round town. Perhaps his mind
is a little less clouded today, and he is beginning to return to
himself. We can but hope.
Still, his behaviour today was a little, erm, unusual too.
Mr Termite is a small, bandy man with long arms, like a babboon.
He would walk a little way down the street in his odd shuffling
walk, until he came across a passer-by, perhaps looking in
the window of the Gaiganz GiftShop. Then he would stop,
and look at them. Just look at them. He would bug his
eyes out at stare very fixedly at them, occasionally turning
his head a little...as if they were wood in a vice, and his
stare the chisel he shaped them with. I guess he was "thinking
at them." At least that's how I believe he saw it in his mind.
Their reaction was odd, too. They would know, somehow, that
he was there---the sound of shambling steps that stopped, a
flicker of movement in the shop window they were looking through.
They would look round uneasily. And they would invariably...smile.
That uneasy social smile which says "I didn't mean any offense".
Madmen are unpredictable, a threat; and they can use their
full strength unexpectedly. So it is best to smile a "don't
hurt me, don't let's quarrel" smile and hope they will pass by.
After a little while he would nod curtly, as if satisfied they
had recieved and understood his mental message, then shuffle onward.
Termite has an odd way of walking. He has not physically hurt
his legs, but he tends to drag one foot slower than another.
Sometimes he makes a little double step with his right foot,
like this---sloooooow, quick, slow, quickquick---as if he is
dancing an oldfashioned foxtrot.
The kids would smile too, the gangs of kids playing street
football or hanging around. Some of them chanted "loonie!
loonie! Umla! Umla!" but he didn't seem to notice....and
parents or other adults looked hard at them until they let
him alone. A small offwhite poodle passed by and, seeing him
stood still there, used him for a lamppost. But he didn't seem
to notice that either. It was a brisk October afternoon in the
narrow streets of our quiet town; the sunlight sometimes bright
enough to make one blink, but rarely enough for real warmth.
I thought there would be trouble once, when he stopped by
two big blond guys in leather with Japanese motorbikes
who live down TuntenStraBe. They are a little odd too,
and not gentle as their sort is mostly supposed to be.
When Mr Termite stopped near them, they only glared at him.
Before they could stop him he walked over to the nearest bike
then, producing a small screwtop bottle and piece of plastic tube
from his pocket, he unscrewed the petrol cap of the nearest
bike and.....withdrew their fuel. Or at least, as much of
it as he could spit into his little half-litre lemonade bottle.
Then he just stood there facing them, still grimacing a bit
from the foul taste of the petrol.
It was an odd sight. Termite--barely over four and a half
metres high if you discount the stickyup hair--in an old brown
suit too short for even him, which left a line of hairy calf
visible above each sock. And the two nasty leather fairies, both
a full head taller than Herr Termite. The long thin one with the very pale
crop, he thought it was all a big joke. But his friend, a little shorter
and broader with a small steel ring through one side of his nose:
that one would have punched him out given half a chance.
Then Termite stepped forward, and sternly placed the fuelcap in the
thin one's outstretched hand, for all the world as though he were
tipping a hotel bellboy with a large silver coin. He nodded curtly
at them (as if to say "there's my luggage, what are you waiting for"),
turned, and foxtrotted off along the street.
The tall youth stared a moment at the unexpected gift in his palm.
Then he slapped his comrade on the leather shoulder and guffawed
loudly. He went over and replaced the cap, bestrode his bike,
and motion nose-ring to join him. The two Kawasakis roared
off over the cobbles, splashing up a small puddle left from
yesterday's rain, and the leader gave my neighbour a big leather-
gauntletted thumbs up as they went by. But Mr Termite was quite
oblivious of their passage; having entered into an earnest
conversation with a large holly-tree, which lives in a tub
outside the Kafe Gaiganz.
I lost sight of Termite then, for I had to pick up a few things from
the delicatessen. But Herr Dolphus from number fifty-three says
he came home around half-past four, a little before the daughter
makes his tea. Looking very pleased with himself, says Dolphus,
as if he felt in his mind he had accomplished some great mission.
I am glad he is all right, and hope perhaps this recent excursion
is a sign he is coming out of his trouble of these last few years.
We do not want the incident of Frau Mueller's rotweiler again;
the dog has been unnaturally nervous ever since. I pray his mind
be soon restored, for all our sakes.
Yours in Amity,
A Concerned Neighbour.
See also Troutman's parody of Koos.
POST SCRIPT.
There is a sad post-script to all this. Koos beat and abused his
wife Jutta until she left him, his girfriend Tulka, and his 19-year
old daughter Freya until finally he killed Freya. Some months later,
on the morning of Thursday 2000/Sept/21, he was compulsorarily admitted
to a mental hospital: and not before time.
I refused to believe at first that the incident referred to him
because of apparent inconsistencies. It seems "Koos" is short for his
full name Jacobus, as "Ted" is short for Edward. Bizarrely, a message
he had written earlier was posted and date-stamped to a.r.s. that
evening, when somebody else logged the computer in --- giving the
appearance that he was still around.
Koos went insane while he was a CofS member. I doubt that CofS was
the main or only cause: many others in CofS don't go fully insane,
and he wasn't under particularly more pressure than anyone else.
Still, CofS were the people who drilled a person sick in the head
to avoid the proper medical treatment he needed. I hope they are
proud of the consequences.
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